The Sword in the Throne/Transcript
opens up at the school, Poopatine helps Brenda polish a golden toilet door Poopatine: Brenda beeps to him I know, Brenda. her claws It has been ages. But some day, the chosen one will come. Some day. fly buzzes by him Hmm? and tries to shoo fly away Shoo! Shoo, fly! There'll be no filthy germy pests in here as long as we're on watch, eh, Brenda? and Chum Chum burst through the bathroom door, mud covering them all over. They slide over to Poopatine, making noises. They come up short of him, most of their mud splashes him all over Fanboy: Janitor Poopatine! Janitor Poopatine! Janitor Poopatine! Chum Chum and I just had an epic mud fight, and we need to was off in one of those knee-high sinks. Chum Chum: How about this one? to the golden toilet door Poopatine: them No, stop! This stall is forbidden! Fanboy: I don't know who this "bidden" is, but now, it's for Fanboy! over the door Poopatine: No! Wait! Chum Chum enters the toilet Nuh - nononononono! to the inside of the stall, the walls are golden and there are roman collums Fanboy/Chum Chum: Woooooow. perspective, a toilet decorated to look like a throne is against the wall, on top of it is a plunger with jewels Chum Chum: It's beautiful! Fanboy: It's almost a shame what we're gonna do with it. Just let me remove this scrub brush... to take the plunger off the toilet Poopatine: Stoooop! Fanboy's hand and pushes him away That's no scrub brush. That is the Plunger of Power! And better men than you have tried to pull it and failed. up of the plunger Forged from the ancient magic when the world was young, fly from earlier buzzes around it for centuries it has stood, awaiting the arrival of one so pure of heart -- a plucking noise Huh? has pulled the plunger off the toilet; a light is shining on him and heavenly music is playing Poopatine: Uh -- what have you done?! Eh -- uh -- put it back! Eh -- put it back! does, lights turn back on and music stops Oh, that's better. pulls plunger out again No! Uh, put it back! puts it back Ah. pulls it out No! puts it back Ah. pulls it out No! repeatedly pulls the plunger out and puts it back Chum Chum: Ooh! Musical Chairs! to the toilet Poopatine: Uh... Chum Chum: on the toilet You lose! Poopatine: URRRRR! portal appears above them Poopatine: Huh? Wha... toilets appear The Custodial Council! Councillor Toilet: Who hast pulled the scepter, from its throne? Councillor Urinal: The boy. He has pulled the sacred plunger. Councillor Bidet: Zee prophecy has been fulfilled! Councillor Toilet: to Fanboy Your highness, we are at your service. Poopatine: Stop, please! Uh, your lordships, there must be some mistake! Councillor Toilet: There is no mistake. It is written in the sacred scroll! sacred scroll made like toilet paper appears next to him He who pulls the Plunger of Power, shall henceforth reign as King of all Custodians! crown with toilet paper is placed on Fanboy's head. His mud disappears Fanboy: Huh? fly into his arms, he smiles Hmm. Chum appears, now clean and wearing a jester's hat Chum Chum: Then, the talking toilet said that Fanboy would be king! Fanboy: Poopatine kicks him away Ah! Poopatine: Oh, please! There is no way that...simpleton is the chosen one. Look at him, he has a plunger on his face. Fanboy: to get the plunger off his face but it slides over his ear Not anymore. and Chum Chum slap hands Councillor Toilet: Well, of course he's a little young and green, but that is why you will tutor him. Poopatine: What? Me? Tutor him? That's the most humiliating i -- plunger sticks to his face Fibindebeh. Fanboy: My bad! Councillor Toilet: The council has spoken! portal reappears, and they prepare to leave Poopatine: Stop! Wait! Where are you going? Urinal and Bidet flush themselves back into the portal. Councillor Toilet tries to but can't Councillor Toilet: Oh, dear. Can somebody jiggle my handle? Chum does so, he disappears pulls the plunger off his face Fanboy: into Poopatine's arms Did you hear that, Janitor Poopatine? You're gonna be my very own Tutor Poopatine! Chum Chum: offscreen Toot Poop! Poopetine: I -- uh -- I don't have time for you. him down Some fool actually ate the glop in the cafeteria. Now, we have a vomit emergency. Fanboy: You hear that, Chum Chum? Vomit. My destiny is calling me. Poopatine: What? Ohhhh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Noooo, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Chum Chum: But the council told you that you muuuuust, so please, get the sawduuuuust! Poopatine: OHHHHHH! shifts to the hallway. Two traffic cones are put up Poopatine: All right. It's very simple. pours sawdust into his hand You grab a handful of sawdust... Fanboy: Brenda pours the sawdust Grab a handful of sawdust. Poopatine: And, you sprinkle it on the mess. so Fanboy: Sprinkle it on the mess. the sawdust into Poopatine's face Poopatine: wheezes What's wrong with you? Not on me, on the mess! Fanboy: Oh-ho, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right. On the mess. Poopatine: a sulky look Mmm. pours Fanboy more sawdust Fanboy: Mmm... the sawdust in Poopatine's face again Poopatine: coughs No, no! Throw it down! DOWN! Fanboy: pours him more sawdust Like this? it in Poopatine's face again Poopatine: Oh -- oh! I forgot to account for your stupidity. Here! pours Fanboy more sawdust There. Now sprinkle. Fanboy: Sprinkle. thinking Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mmm...eh... it in Poopatine's face again Chum Chum: Poopatine pointed out the waste, there's sawdust in his face! montage begins Poopatine: Let's just see you hammer this nail. Fanboy a hammer and nail Fanboy: nail on wall Hammer this nail. lightly hammers the nail and tosses the hammer through the window of a door, breaking it Poopatine: to scrape an "In Yo Face" sticker Just gently scrape the sticker like so. Fanboy: spatula Scrape sticker. hardly scrapes the sticker, causing the wall to be carved. Poopatine facepalms Poopatine: We'll just put a little touch-up paint over that gouge. Why don't you open the paint can? Fanboy: up a screwdriver Open paint can. bangs on the can lid then sticks the point in the edge, stuggling. The lid pops off, but the paint sprays Poopatine Poopatine: Okay, all I want you to do is unlock this door. Put the key in and turn it. Fanboy the key Nothing more, nothing less. Fanboy: Key in and turn it. key Hey, I did it! door burns Poopatine: OHHHHHH! Chum Chum: You might wanna get that looked at! to a close up of a floor waxer, Fanboy and Chum Chum swing and laugh on it Fanboy: Wow, I can't believe I'm using a floor waxer that used to buff the pyramids. waxer's wires static Chum Chum: So which one do we touch to turn it on? Poopatine: Oh, just grab a handful. You'll be fine. room, peeks out and snickers They'll burn down the school with that old fire trap. Then, their reputation with the council will be destroyed! door Fanboy: I'll just set it to low. foot on waxer waxer turns on and spins around with the boys on it Councillor Toilet: This better be important, Poopatine! I was just having my drain snaked. Poopatine: stagey Uh, uh, come quick! A terrible tragedy has transpired! There's an electrical fire in the hall, I fear for our king! Councillor Bidet: Out of zee way, move, move! I will save zee king! Bidet rushes off, Councillors Toilet and Urinal following him. All three stop dead in their tracks Councillor Urinal: What is this? I don't see any fire! slides in front of them. His perspective, the floors are ultimately covered with wax Poopatine: Wha? Uh, I don't understand. This whole place should be aflame. and Chum Chum come by on the waxer Fanboy: Janitor Poopatine, a miracle happened. No sooner had I started the buffer when... to Fanboy's flashback Fanboy: voiceover This idea struck me like a bolt of lightning. Fanboy: shocked by the wires Hmm? Ah. to reality Fanboy: Why wax every day, when you can put on three hundred and sixty five coats... Chum Chum: And it'll last a whole year? is heard. Poopatine looks down to see [[Kyle] frozen in place under the wax. He looks up] Poopatine: Huh? perspective, the students are skating on the wax Councillor Toilet: Oh, such janitorial genius! Fanboy: Oh, please. It was nothing. Councillor Toilet: Oh, chosen one, would you, honor me by gracing my seat, with yours? Poopatine: Oh, this is ridiculous! I can't take anymore of this insanity! I QUIT! At least I'll be able to leave with my dignity intact! to Poopatine, he starts to sink as he walks Poopatine: Head held high, walking tall... pause Uh, uh, wha -- what's happening here? zooms out to show him sinking into the wax Fanboy: Uh, Poopatine, the wax hasn't dried there yet. Poopatine: Uh, uhhhh...it's too many coats! Uh -- I'm sinking in quickwax! Chum Chum: We put up a sign. up of a danger sign on a locker Poopatine: Eh...don't just stand there! HELP ME! Councillor Toilet: Chosen one, use the Plunger of Power! Fanboy: Fear not, Janitor Poopatine! out plunger By the power of grade school, I will save yooooou! I! HAVE! THE! PLUNGEEEERRRRR! zaps Chum Chum with the plunger, who roars Poopatine: Ahhh! Councillor Toilet: Ohhhh! Fanboy: HI-ZAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! sticks the plunger to Poopatine's face and struggles, but instead he pulls the plunger off and slams against the wall Fanboy: Eh, let me just try that again. plunger to Poopatine's head and struggles Poopatine: Stop! You're just pushing me deeper! Councillor Bidet: Zis is impossible! It should be child's play for ze chosen one! Councillor Urinal: Perhaps he is not the chosen one. Poopatine: That's what I've been trying to tell you! Fanboy: plunger off Poopatine and starts to sink Um, I'm starting to have some serious doubts about this magic plunger. Chum Chum: Fanboy, you're sinking! Councillor Toilet: Oh-ho-ho, it's too terrible! I canno-ot loo-oo-oo-ook! fly from earlier buzzes by and lifts the plunger with Fanboy and Poopatine off the ground lightweight, while a light shines on it and a heavenly choir sings. Fanboy and Poopatine gasp Councillor Urinal: The fly. The fly has saved the chosen o-o-one! scratch Poopatine: Oh, can't you get it through your clogged brains? Fanboy He's not the chosen one! The fly was in the stall. The fly pulled the plunger from the throne! Councillor Bidet: gasps Zat means zee fly is zee chosen one! Custodial Council: All hail the fly! Councillor Toilet: I haven't been disinfected in a week. Would you care to settle on my rim? fly follows the Custodial Council away Fanboy: Oh, well, I guess I'm not the King of Janitors after all. I wonder what I am the king of? Fanboy and Chum Chum: Hmm... Fanboy: a pencil still in a sharpener That's it. over to it I shall pull this pencil and become...the King of Teachers! pulls the pencil out of the sharpener, but the wall breaks apart Poopatine: Wha... Fanboy: What a mess! Eh, good thing I'm not the King of Janitors anymore. out of room and tosses pencil I would hate to have to clean that up. Chum Chum: He pulled the pencil from the wall, another one messes to clean it up, something something something, let's go get a Frosty Freeeeezy Freeeeeze! Poopatine: Uhhhh...oh... Category:Transcripts